There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
