I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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