I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
