Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He felt like a one man threesome
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
