My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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