i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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