next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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