My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
