MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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