I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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