I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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