i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
