Don't make out with my wife yet
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
