I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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