In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
