Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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