She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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