don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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