I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
