I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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