i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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