Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
