Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
accomplished twins. life is a go
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
