batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Randomize
