i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
