a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
