i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
