im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
