First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
