i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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