It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Panties = found
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