i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
