No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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