i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
