Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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