I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
