i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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