see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
