remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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