Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
