I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
