Duck Duck Cougar?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
