it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
