I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
