i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize