Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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