Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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