i just wanna soil my oats bro
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
