We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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