just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
