I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
