I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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