dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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