I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
