dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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