Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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