My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
